Although i'm the first to admit i do actually like the damned festivities, I am also frighteningly aware that post christmas comes new years, and new years inevitably brings with it a demand for change. Now they say a change is as good as a holiday, but they also say "you better shake up ooh ooh ooh, cos i need a man, and my heart is set on yoooooou" and well that's just queer. So let's discount anything 'they' say and i will continue by explaining my fear of the thought of new years resolutions....
In the past, i am sure many of you can relate, my new years resolutions have not stuck much past the first few days of our fresh new year...in fact my last years resolution to quit smoking lasted all of, what, 2 minutes when i decided to fag up to, well, celebrate the new year. ahh the clear-minded thoughts induced by sufficient beer consumption to drown an elephant..
As i was saying, I find myself in november 2009 already (i suppose we all do. Unless you're michael J Fox, back to (or from? or past? forward to the past? ah my brain hurts) the future.which in that case, stop shaking my hand.no really. stop shaking. what, stop it. stop nodding at me. stop jiggling your pelvis. oh what? you can't? fail. ) and cant stop thinking about all the enviable things i have achieved in my 19 years of life.
..
the birth of my lovely mutant child iamafag.
...
oh like that time charmed my way into scoring a free wheel alignment.
...
(well that sure makes my hit list look comparitively long..)
and now I have another achievement to add to the long and colourful list: leaving the Gats with more money than what i arrived with.
So what did i spend the $20 gifted to me on? why no, not lego. not even pot pourri. Cigarettes. (wow no way?!)
aaaanyway somehow my smoking/buying of cigarettes has been dominating my writing speed so i have fallen 4 blogs behind. i better get to it. chop chop. Like brock trimming his bonsai and rozzle trimming her pubes for a big bone last night.... word.
A morning of chemistry and 3 coffees comfortably in my system found me craving more than caffeine. As only to be expected. And so while topping up my go-card at 7/11, my thoughts once again turned not to katy perry's luscious cleavage, and not even to my mounting credit card debt, but instead, to cigarettes. and just to keep on the safe side, i selected Winfield Golds to suck and score.
I have an entrenched admiration for 'gold' cigarettes, as this usually indicates a smooth flavour while still delivering a semi-decent to decent bang. Therefore i was as sure as the fat in a big mac that i would not be disappointed with my selection. AND, i am happy to report, this was the case. In most aspects, these cigarettes delivered enviable quality and a decent sense of satisfaction.
Visually they offer little appeal, a little on the bland side. Playing it safe, a little like spiking your own beer with vodka to ensure messiness. Like hiding that extra dollar coin in your bra for when the pokies urge becomes insupressable. Like watching the barrista make your coffee from start to finish to ensure the cunt heats the milk right. Like sticking to 99 in a 100 zone so your licence isnt revoked. Like triple-coating you eyelashes with mascara to ensure a nice panda-eyed look the next morning. Like watering your herbs with a mixture of water and love just to keep them happy.. and such..
Now, less blah blah blah more numerals.
- Attractiveness of Pack- As I said, it tries, but it's bland. However at least it's not IN YOUR FACE AAAH and over the top, or frightfully patterned. Though more than 2 cannot be awarded. Sorry. It takes more than trying hard to impress me.
- Smoothness and Flavour- Very smooth, subtle yet satisfying flavour, (a hint of caramel popcorn at the back of the throat. no, really). I do wish, however, for a little more strength. But that's the job for blues and reds i suppose..... 3.5 out of 5 malignant tumours.
- Burning Time- Impressively steady. AND in addition, regardless of the direction/strength of the wind, these babies tend to light up with great ease, burn evenly, and not smoulder unless really sucked on. A bonus in my opinion. 4 out of 5 malignant tumours.
- Lingering Taste- Still detectable after a round of breathes and even an accidental gulp of seawater. (oh and i was strutting so confidently into the waves, until a bastard dumper proceeded to upturn me, dack me, and make me look like the fool i really am) The caramelly flavour i spoke of before tends to hang around more than the tabacco. Though overall, s'alright. 3 out of 5 malignant tumours.
AVERAGE SCORE FOR WINFIELD GOLD: 3.125... again with the 'gah about 3' scores. Well the results may be all too similar but, wtf do you want me to do about it? eh? huh? yeah.
Well after a little too much sun today (and by a-little-too-much-sun i mean sunglasses tan/sunburn and a striking resemblance to a rock lobster), i sit in slight agony, bra-less and baggy-clothed, reaping the benifit of a soothing westerly wind. On ya Kenmore.
oh and segue- need a place in Brisbane to stay? Join me.
luff,
missy.
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