I AM A FAG IV

Right.

Due to some unplanned but drunkenly friendly cigarette sharing, I was only forced to suck down probably half my pack of PJ Fine's. Fine by me (pardon the pun. 'hahaha' )
Which has led to my next target- Dunhill Distinct (probably also known as Dunnay bluuues).

Initially I am just so impressed by the streamline, compact and durable-looking pack.
As stated previously I am a fiend for blue- like a clear blue sky, gorgeous 'fuck-me' eyes of Mr Iawannagetya, minty toothpaste gel, blue eyeliner, bower birds nests..... the list continues.

The shrink wrap is slightly less annoying to remove than B&H's... But still the different position of the pull tab stumps me everytime, being so used to the pull twist flick of Marlboros. Inside, the foil is embossed with uber chic "dunhill" italics.. However, removing only the front foil, as you do, makes only the front row of cigarettes accessable.. dang. In saying this, more foil=more freshness so this really cancels out any negatives.

(fill in this 20minute gap with mad ravenous drive with david and brock to KFC, bringing home the goods, googling 'nasty vagina', laughing at saggy boobs...)

As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted..Dunhills. Let's rate this shit.

• Attractiveness of Pack- fuck yeaaaaaaaao. 4.5 out of 5 malignant tumours.

• Burning time- verrrrrrry good. Slow, allows me to savour the shit out of each cigarette. 4.5 out of 5 malignant tumours.

• Smoothness and flavour- not very smooth, but rather flavourful. Nice rich tabacco taste. 4 out of 5 malignant tumours.

• Lingering Taste-again, as seems to be the trend, the tabacco taste does not linger..a mouthful of tonic water/breathful of fresh air seems to eliminate any flavour. disappointing. 3 out of 5 malignant tumours.

DUNHILL DISTINCT AVERAGE SCORE: 4 out of 5 malignant tumours. Finally, a cigarette with the promise of possibly rivaling the great untainted Marlboro.

If you like what you read (don't deny it), follow me. If you wish to further dicuss my innovative experiment (don't deny it), add me on Facebook. Missy chapple.

Cheers.

I AM A FAG III

Hooked, right? (hooked like that the-only-thing-to-get-me-out-of-bed-today-is-the-thought-of-a-big-fat(or phat)-cigarette-and-a-mega-beer-mug-sized-glass-of-icey-water-because-i-cant-stand-black-coffee-anymore-and-i-always-manage-to-find-the-chocolate-and-pepsi-aisle-at-the-supermarket-but-never-remember-the-milk(or toilet paper for that matter) feeling...

Which allows for a smooth segue onto my next brave victim-Peter Jackson Fine.
I figure the easiest way to appear orderly and organised is to roam throughout all strengths in a particular brand before moving onto the next, yes?

Nothing says 'pussy weak' like silver packaging and the word "Fine" anywhere in the description. But I stay open-minded. The 'fineness' of this cigarette really cannot be exaggerated... like sucking fresh air through a straw almost. BUT that's not to say it's not enjoyed.....even if it means a quick succession of 3 cigarettes rather than 1 for an equal 'sigh, smile and relax' factor.

So let's rate this bitch.

• Attractiveness of Pack- Like previously said, silver sends automatic shivers down my spine as I instantly presume little flavour and little to no strength. But, Silver, hear me out. As a colour I have no problem with you. Really. And in terms of accurately representing the sissy cigarette inside your pack, it does so very truthfully. Same goes about getting 20% more than your average 20's. Kudos for that. Shrink wrap equally as acceptable as PJ Originals. Bonus points however for matching very well with my car (Colin, as the lucky folk to meet him know him as) 's interior. 4 out of 5 malignant tumours.

• Time-rather quick burning time, however this could be put down to the fact that I hastily attempt to get my hit from these lighter cigarettes, thus sucking the poor little fellow down too quickly. But still, man up, really. 3 out of 5 malignant tumours.

• Smoothness and flavour- as smooth as a fucking freshly waxed and exfoliated leg. And although this is sexy, it can also indicate empty promises and little satisfaction. Flavour is much the same, a little like Smith's new "Vote for Me" flavour range.. as Brock my housemate so succinctly puts it, "Where's the flavour?!!!" 3 out of 5 malignant tumours.

• Lingering taste- Poor. I'm sorry, but rather non-existant. When a sip of water eliminates any trace of tabacco, and no one even whinges about your smoker's breath, you know there's something very wrong with your cigarettes. 2 out of 5 malignant tumours.

PETER JACKSON FINE AVERAGE SCORE: 3 out of 5 malignant tumours.

final words? "MAN UP".

until next time.

That is if i'm still alive for my next post. Had a dreadful coughing fit in the cinema last night.

("I can't go more than a few feet without the oxygen tank")

But really, choked on my Chupa Chup. You dreadful sugary bastards. Apologies to all patrons in cinema 2 at Indooroopilly Megaplex last night who had to listen to me rehearse my eventual choking death.

Missy.

I AM A FAG II

The first brave cigarette brand to challenge my well-seasoned lungs?
Peter Jackson Originals.

Why?
Because as I avoided the akward gaze of Apu at SevenEleven, PJ was the first pack my hungry eyes landed upon..

First thought? Nice. 30's. 20% more than your average Marlboro 25's. "Bargain ay?"
The first drag delivered not much flavour to be honest. (hopefully soon I will lose my bias towards Marlboro in favour of a more open-minded view, but still as it stands, nothing beats Marlboro)

Also, the filter seemed unimpressedly soft? malleable? By the end of my smoke it resembled a somewhat squashed cylinder, more elliptical in shape that normal. I have to admit i'm a serial over-asher.. too many singes in the past have led to me being pretty hard on the old flick. This said however, if Marlboros can take the wrath of my thumb and forefinger, why cant PJ's?

On the upside, PJ Originals are relatively slow-burning, well suited to my "my schedule's clear from monday to sunday" lifestyle. "No sir, i'm in no hurry".

Furthermore, they offer a flavourful tabacco aftertaste. Nice.

So to use the rating system described on my first post... Peter Jackson Originals go like this..

• Attractiveness of Pack- Not bad suppose....slightly fidly pull tab for the plastic shrink wrap...much easier with the foil... I am a fan of blue therefore no complaints about the simple if not slightly minimalistic pack. 4 malignant tumours out of 5

• time- average to better than average. 4 malignant tumours.

• Smoothness and flavour- very smooth, almost too light. Good lingering flavour. 3.5 malignant tumours (so really more like 3 fully developed malignant tumours, and a half developed semi-malignant growth.)

• Lingering Taste- Acceptable. mild tabacco taste, however could be richer. 3.5 Malignant tumours.

PETER JACKSON ORIGINALS AVERAGE SCORE: 3.75 Malignant tumours out of 5.

"hey hey, now you're coughing".

Until later, breathe deeply.

Missy.

I AM A FAG

So I find myself out of a job and out of Uni (much like one 'finds' a G&T on the bar when Sleezy McDrunk looks longingly/drunkenly towards the pulsating, oscillating, gyrating females on the dance floor and momentarily overlooks his paid for drink being snatched savagely away by a thirsty.. um.. me) .. and in an epiphenal moment, find inspiration to have a hobby more promising than Farmville. Smoking forms a regrettable part of my daily life (I only say regrettable to keep you 'quit smoking' naggers at bay) and until now Marlboro Golds have been my bread and butter. HOWEVER, in light of the my epiphany, I take on an oath to personally test and rate all cigarette brands, strengths and variations available.

Why?

Because they say variety is the spice of life. And I figure that although smoking kills, so do cheese supreme Doritoes and 3-ply toilet paper, and who cant admit to a bit of dabbling in these wicked tempations at one time or another?

I will be judging each cigarette on the following criteria-

• Attractiveness of pack-including ease of opening, durability in your bag, protection against beer spills etc..
• Burning time-some sneaky bastard cigarette companies think they can burn away my hard-earned Centrelink money much too quickly
• Smoothness and flavour
• Lingering taste

Each cigarette will be rated out of 5 Malignant Tumours.. 1 being the worst, 5 being the best (contrary to what Oncologists tend to suggest)..

So, smokers and haters of smoking alike, appreciate the extended life, long deep breaths and average chance of illness I am sacrificing to put an end to the age old question- Which cigarette is the shit?

Keep you posted.
Missy.