apple pie+ shite load of beer in my belly.
what better time to fill in my blog, surrounded my equally minded friends,
roadtesting the FARK out of a selection of cigarettes?
So Dale just wacks out M gold. He know's my weak spot. so to speak. Bringing me back to my roots. Marrrrrlboro ("hey remember that time that i would only smoke, MAAAAARLBORO")
Rather than reset my bias towards all (inferior..snigger) cigarettes, it has refreshed my aim to seek a better cigarette. Here we go.
Pre wednesday night Triv at the KT, i find myself short of cigarettes and pro cash, so hit up Woolies, scare the shit out of the poor woolies employee, and ramble something along the lines of "gimmee a packo of dose orangee Pall Malls right over there love.." and she obeys.
Slims. Pall Mall Slims.
Initial reaction? "SEXAAAAY". Even Rachel, cigarette hater or at least detestee, says so. HOT.
The pack is "clearly targeted at females"... good on you the state of NSW, Eastgarden in fact, for your targetting of us vulnerable man-needing females. "honey i'm home" type shit.
Nice. Even Germain Greer has a vibrator in her top drawer. As if that feminist bitch can deny it. Don't even try. Listen to "Tomorrow never Knows"-Beatles , in reverse, and there's a snippet in there about how Greer wanks off over the thought of a man telling her to 'cook my dinner bitch' while bending over in a less-than-ass-covering apron and some sexy handcuffesque oven mits and a shitload of Taft hair spray holing her perm in place.
umm sooo...
orange does not push my buttons. at all. doesn't hit my G. doesnt make me "AWWWWWW MMMMMMmmmmmmmm hmmmm" .At all. But its resemblence to a pristine Brisbane sunset hits all the right notes. So plus 20 points for that.
'Slims' make me froth. The idea of slimness obviously sits very well with me. (no i didn't just swipe a weeks worth of Arnott's from the KT what are you talking about?) So i wont hold it against you baby.
The hit is sincerly honorable considering they physicalogically have so much less tabacco space to impress me with. Shits all over PJ silver. Marl silver even (though i havent even rated that. next project eh?) Kudos.
Before we get into rambling (what? me, rambling? sif)
- Attractiveness of Pack- Off. totally nice. unfortunately i was scarred with a vagina at birth, leaving me rather vulnerable to use 'pretty' as an adjective to describe..anything. The shrink wrap rivals Marls. Big commendation for that. BIG. BIG. Nothing to bitch about. As i said orange is weak but sunset 0rang puts a positive spin on it so i'll overlook this. 4 out of 5 malignant tumours.
- Burning Time- Not bad. as i have already stated, slim means small. small means less to offer. But even for a skinny bitch she puts out. Even though her last meal may have been a peanut 3 days ago, still a commendable amount of stamina. 4 out of 5 malignant tumours.
- Smoothness and Flavour- Enough to write home about. Impressive amount of flavour. Smooth enough to roll off my tongue. "sliding into a slut" type stuff. 3.5 out of 5 malignant tumours
- Lingering Taste- Still there. a fair few fresh-air breaths and savouring sips of Pure Blondes later, it still holds its ground. Commendable to say the least (cant believe how positive i am being with an 'inferior' product!) compared to let's say PJ or B&H it wins a meritable 3 out of 5 malignat tumours.
AVERAGE SCORE FOR PALL MALL SLIMS: Let's just say four because fuck, who's averaging these days?
In great conclusion, Pall Mall blew me away like a $1 peep show, or a skirt-rustling wind on a mild spring day.
Keep it up yes?
Till next time my fellow fiends. and as usual find me on FB to converse about the glory of slow-suicide-by-tabacco. Missy Chapple..
Follow me for the ultimate hit. aa.
Regarddddds,
Missaaaaay.
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