I AM A FAG III

Hooked, right? (hooked like that the-only-thing-to-get-me-out-of-bed-today-is-the-thought-of-a-big-fat(or phat)-cigarette-and-a-mega-beer-mug-sized-glass-of-icey-water-because-i-cant-stand-black-coffee-anymore-and-i-always-manage-to-find-the-chocolate-and-pepsi-aisle-at-the-supermarket-but-never-remember-the-milk(or toilet paper for that matter) feeling...

Which allows for a smooth segue onto my next brave victim-Peter Jackson Fine.
I figure the easiest way to appear orderly and organised is to roam throughout all strengths in a particular brand before moving onto the next, yes?

Nothing says 'pussy weak' like silver packaging and the word "Fine" anywhere in the description. But I stay open-minded. The 'fineness' of this cigarette really cannot be exaggerated... like sucking fresh air through a straw almost. BUT that's not to say it's not enjoyed.....even if it means a quick succession of 3 cigarettes rather than 1 for an equal 'sigh, smile and relax' factor.

So let's rate this bitch.

• Attractiveness of Pack- Like previously said, silver sends automatic shivers down my spine as I instantly presume little flavour and little to no strength. But, Silver, hear me out. As a colour I have no problem with you. Really. And in terms of accurately representing the sissy cigarette inside your pack, it does so very truthfully. Same goes about getting 20% more than your average 20's. Kudos for that. Shrink wrap equally as acceptable as PJ Originals. Bonus points however for matching very well with my car (Colin, as the lucky folk to meet him know him as) 's interior. 4 out of 5 malignant tumours.

• Time-rather quick burning time, however this could be put down to the fact that I hastily attempt to get my hit from these lighter cigarettes, thus sucking the poor little fellow down too quickly. But still, man up, really. 3 out of 5 malignant tumours.

• Smoothness and flavour- as smooth as a fucking freshly waxed and exfoliated leg. And although this is sexy, it can also indicate empty promises and little satisfaction. Flavour is much the same, a little like Smith's new "Vote for Me" flavour range.. as Brock my housemate so succinctly puts it, "Where's the flavour?!!!" 3 out of 5 malignant tumours.

• Lingering taste- Poor. I'm sorry, but rather non-existant. When a sip of water eliminates any trace of tabacco, and no one even whinges about your smoker's breath, you know there's something very wrong with your cigarettes. 2 out of 5 malignant tumours.

PETER JACKSON FINE AVERAGE SCORE: 3 out of 5 malignant tumours.

final words? "MAN UP".

until next time.

That is if i'm still alive for my next post. Had a dreadful coughing fit in the cinema last night.

("I can't go more than a few feet without the oxygen tank")

But really, choked on my Chupa Chup. You dreadful sugary bastards. Apologies to all patrons in cinema 2 at Indooroopilly Megaplex last night who had to listen to me rehearse my eventual choking death.

Missy.